Do you ever feel like things are just going too well?
I do. I am in a constant struggle with myself to not think about it.
My life is good. My little boy is good. My husband is good. I am provided for. I am healthy. My family is healthy. Nothing catastrophic has happened. So sometimes I get to feeling like, "Where's the bad? It can't all be good, all the time. Right?"
Conversations go a little like this in my head...
"What if my house burns down? What would I save? You save your family and yourself and that's it. I want my pictures though. Where could I put my pictures that I could get to them and carry them out, too? Oliver needs his clothes! Where is his baby book? My baby blankets! They can't be lost! I need my computer. It has everything on it. We need a fire-proof safe."
The fire scenario always includes a fire proof safe. I need to get one of those.
Then you have the scenarios where someone dies... my immediate family, my husband, my son, my best friends... those scenarios don't get past, "I don't know how I would go on."
In all scenarios I know I could go on with God carrying me through but the thoughts alone put a huge pit in my stomach. My faith knows I could make it but my heart and emotions say otherwise.
Loss is a scary thing. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a scary thing.
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"
Luke 12:22-25 (ESV)
I would not consider myself an anxious person by any means but I do think I could use a little less thinking on the "shoe dropping" scenarios. God has me in the palm of his hand.
Bad things have happened in my life. Things have been crappy. God has always carried me through. He will continue to.
I am so incredibly proud of you! Love you! This is great!
ReplyDeleteI call it the X factor. Not like the TV series. Life is kinda like a formula that goes something like this... Life happens, some good, some bad, mostly expected, and then there is the dreaded X factor. Life=G+B+E+X. X = the unknown factor of that other shoe dropping. X= The car breaking down when your between paychecks, X=getting the flu a day before you go on vacation, and on and on. But there will always be X. You can plan for some of that X factor, like insurance and a fireproof safe. But at the end of the day, never let that X factor run your life. It will paralyze you. You're right on track.
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