Thursday, February 26, 2015

waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Do you ever feel like things are just going too well?

I do. I am in a constant struggle with myself to not think about it.

My life is good. My little boy is good. My husband is good. I am provided for. I am healthy. My family is healthy. Nothing catastrophic has happened. So sometimes I get to feeling like, "Where's the bad? It can't all be good, all the time. Right?"

Conversations go a little like this in my head...

"What if my house burns down? What would I save? You save your family and yourself and that's it. I want my pictures though. Where could I put my pictures that I could get to them and carry them out, too? Oliver needs his clothes! Where is his baby book? My baby blankets! They can't be lost! I need my computer. It has everything on it. We need a fire-proof safe."

The fire scenario always includes a fire proof safe. I need to get one of those.

Then you have the scenarios where someone dies... my immediate family, my husband, my son, my best friends... those scenarios don't get past, "I don't know how I would go on."

In all scenarios I know I could go on with God carrying me through but the thoughts alone put a huge pit in my stomach. My faith knows I could make it but my heart and emotions say otherwise.

Loss is a scary thing. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a scary thing.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"
Luke 12:22-25 (ESV)

I would not consider myself an anxious person by any means but I do think I could use a little less thinking on the "shoe dropping" scenarios. God has me in the palm of his hand.

Bad things have happened in my life. Things have been crappy. God has always carried me through. He will continue to.

Monday, February 16, 2015

resolution set.

I just had to do the math to figure out my age... am I 27 or 28? 28... no, 27... but Fab is 31 so I have to be 28... I'm not 28... I'm 27.

I'm 28. That is the correct answer. Apparently I just forgot an entire year. I think I'm still considered too young to be forgetting my age.

Well, I'm a mama to an 8-month-old come the 21st. This kid is the coolest. He's just started scooching all over the place, from room to room, dusting my floors for me. Thanks, kid. Starting those chores early... he knows mopping is my least favorite.

Here he is showing off his tambourine skills.

I've been wanting to get back into some kind of blogging again. Again? "Again," when you blogged for 0.2 seconds, Kem? YES. ;) I don't have any time that I want to give up to do it super consistently but sharing something here and there would be nice. I have thoughts, ya know? Ok... I cook things and want other people to cook them, too.

It would also give me something to do and work on. I've been trying to be more disciplined... stick to things that I say I'm going to do even if they don't actually HAVE to be done. All will be well in the world if I do not blog but if I say I'm going to do it then I should stick to it. Recently I've been frustrated with my messy house that is also lacking in decor, which makes the mess even worse. I resolved about two weeks ago to clean the kitchen before bed so that I start the day ahead of the game. So far, so good. Obviously there will be times when it doesn't happen and that's ok but those will be the exceptions, not the norm.

I am resolving to post here at least once a week over the next three months.

.... Now do I post this or save it as a draft until I'm REALLY ready to commit?
Week 1. Check.